Surviving Stormy Seas
This summer felt like an inescapable storm. It began with something I'd hoped never to experience: being laid off. Job loss is one of those events that feels both surreal and deeply personal. It's easy to feel defeated, as if it's a reflection on your abilities, even when you logically know it's often just a business decision. But logic offers little comfort when you're reeling from the shock.
Navigating the Wave of a Layoff
Being laid off means more than just losing a paycheck; it's a loss of routine, purpose, familiar colleagues, and in many ways, identity. Suddenly, you're left with unstructured time—a gift that can also be overwhelming. For me, it created space to process emotions I'd been suppressing, as work had been my distraction.
I immersed myself in job applications, networking, and upskilling. Yet, between these productive moments, there were days when my motivation vanished. Sometimes, it was hard to believe things would improve. For anyone who's been through this, I'm sure you understand the roller coaster—those alternating moments of hope and despair.
A Difficult Summer: New Beginnings and Closed Doors
Summer is often thought of as a breezy, warm season, but for me, it felt like wading through a swamp. While dealing with job loss, I was also grappling with another challenge—encountering people who, despite being part of my life, felt emotionally distant. I felt like I was on a raft in a vast sea, waving frantically at passing ships that never stopped. These encounters with emotionally unavailable people can be draining, leaving you questioning if you're doing something wrong, if you're too much, or if you're simply unlucky in your timing.
For me, it became a lesson in boundaries. Learning to differentiate between my own expectations and others' limitations was challenging. There's a unique heaviness to feeling distant from people you want to be close to, and sometimes, no amount of effort on your part can bridge that gap.
Wrestling with Depression and Anxiety
All of this stirred up old ghosts. Depression and anxiety are like unwelcome guests in my life—arriving unannounced and overstaying their welcome. I found myself caught in endless loops of "what ifs," weighed down by a heavy sadness I couldn't always explain.
Anxiety, for me, is like a background hum that occasionally spikes into something unmanageable. I'd wake up feeling an urge to be productive, but then anxiety would creep in, whispering that maybe I wasn't doing enough or that I was falling behind. Depression would often take over, convincing me there was no point in even trying.
This summer, I realized that facing depression and anxiety isn't about conquering them, but rather learning to coexist with them. Some days, all I could manage was to acknowledge their presence, letting them sit beside me without allowing them to take control.
Climbing Out of the Darkness
Ultimately, this summer taught me valuable lessons about patience, letting go of things beyond my control, and finding strength in vulnerability. Reaching out to friends, starting therapy, and reconnecting with things I love became lifelines. Slowly, I've begun rebuilding my life, one small step at a time. It's a long journey, but I feel a renewed sense of determination.
If this resonates with you, please know you're not alone. Life can be challenging, and sometimes we just need time to process, to feel the weight of our burdens, and to remind ourselves that even the longest storms eventually pass. Hold on.